I'll Remember You
by bellaisapirate
Summary: You are told you're in love. You are told you're a father. You are told they're your everything. But you can't feel it. Can't find it in your heart. Because you can't remember. Because you just can't remember... [Oneshot based on 50 First Dates]


Based on the movie 50 First Dates.

* * *

The day had been wonderful. Extraordinary wonderful. They'd woken up, the sun begging them to open their eyes where it shone through the yellow curtains. They had been reluctant, sleep feeling too amazing and the warmth of the cocoon they were wrapped in was too inviting. It took them a moment to start their day. Half an hour later, Gerard had watched his tape and Lauren had collected their three year old daughter from her room. The room the girl slept in was painted in purple, the walls covered with butterflies and fairies, something that made the room suit the princess that she was.

When Olivia laid eyes on her father, a shriek of laughter had risen from her chest while she stumbled towards him, arms raised and brown hair dancing. She had his eyes, chestnut brown and even when she was tired they seemed so alert, but her mother's mouth. Gerard always argued that she also got her stubbornness from Lauren, but she knew otherwise – Gerard always wanted the last word in any conversation.

"Breakfast!" Olivia declared, her voice ringing out clearly, not at all stumbling on her pronunciation like some of her friends at her daycare.

The meal was uneventful, spent in their moderately sized, but cozy, kitchen. Gerard almost felt his ears burning as he tried to focus on and understand everything Olivia told him in between bites. It was all too much, but the adoration in her eyes – his eyes – when she looked at him made it bearable. His wife gave him a moment, not reaching for his lips before he made the first move. Lauren was used to it by now.

"This is nice," Gerard finally said, after allowing hot coffee to slip down his throat. It was his favorite, Lauren had said, and as it graced his tongue and only slightly burned his lips he had to agree.

"It is," his wife replied.

"What… what should we do today?" he asked her, tears suddenly burning the back of his eyes. In embarrassment he blinked and lowered his head, looking down. On his hand glittered the golden band he couldn't, but wanted to, remember.

"Today we go to the zoo," Lauren said, hands on his, squeezing them reassuringly. The way her blonde locks fell around her face made his heart melt, because she was so alarmingly beautiful. Maybe her nose wasn't the perfect shape, maybe her lips were a bit too big, maybe her eyebrows were on the thick side and perhaps her eyes looked tired – but she was stunning, and he could feel how much he loved her, and it scared him.

"The zoo it is," Gerard declared when his voice carried again and the unshed tears had disappeared.

The lions had been her favorites, and her tiny hands had tugged very hard on his to make them move faster, almost begging him to break into a run. The autumn air had been chilly, thus the need for all the layers of clothes Olivia had on her, making it harder for her to move as fast as she'd wanted towards the large catlike animals. The look on her face when she finally was able to stare down on their majestic movements had caused his pulse to quicken, and if Lauren hadn't held his arm he probably would've fallen.

"This is amazing," he mumbled, not to anyone in particular, or about anything in particular. It was all amazing.

"Yep," Lauren agreed, smiling widely.

It was amazing. The way the rays of the sun hit the golden leaves on the trees around them illuminated his entire world. The way his daughter giggled and jumped when one of the lions roared and the way his wife held his arm tightly and the way his breath came out in cloudy puffs – it all made his entire world. He wouldn't trade this day for anything. Except, maybe, just one thing.

By nine PM, he was exhausted, and so were the others. Not only had they explored the entire zoo, but they had also gone out to dinner and then walked through the local park, admiring the colors of the fall. Olivia had thrown only one tantrum, one that frightened Gerard as he didn't know how to handle it. When her shrill voice rang out into the air around them, piercing his ears, his hands fell to his sides and panic struck. Something within had been tugging at him, but unable to interpret the tug he froze. Lauren had to handle the situation, since Gerard couldn't.

"It's fine, you're never really that good at handling her tantrums," she soothed him afterwards, running her hands through his brown hair and placing kisses along his jawline.

Gerard felt it as if he'd tried to live his entire life in the course of 12 hours, and his body ached as a proof of it. After he'd tucked Olivia into her bed and read to her from the book they were in the middle of, he joined his wife in the tangled mess of sheets, allowing her arms to wrap tightly around him.

"Today was wonderful," he murmured, the words slightly muffled by her hair. He moved, making more room for himself, and then sighed deeply. "It was absolutely perfect."

Tears glittered on her cheeks as she leaned in to cover his lips with hers.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I will remember this tomorrow. I know I will." His hand came to a rest on her cheek as his eyes stared right into hers. His throat felt thick. "I will remember you tomorrow."

Lauren only smiled, not bothering to wipe away the salty liquid from her damp cheeks. Instead she kissed him again, entwining their legs under the covers in the process.

"I will remember you tomorrow," he whispered. "I love you so much, god I love you, I will remember you!"

"I love you too Gerard."

Silence surrounded them in the darkness, the moon outside the only source of light. Her breathing evened out slightly, but his picked up, panic building.

"But," he hesitated for a moment, "I've said that before, haven't I?"

"Yeah, every night."

"And I never remember you. Either of you. Us."

"No." A smile tugged at her lips, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I'll remember for the both of us."

As he drifted off to sleep in her arms, his wife's arms, he kept a single prayer in his mind. If only, if only for just this one time, he could wake up remembering the day before, he'd do anything in the world. He'd trade anything to wake up the next morning, not having to watch the tape Lauren had prepared for him in order to help him understand who he was. He'd give anything to remember the name of his daughter without the help of the, to him, foreign images of himself as a stranger in the hospital, holding a tiny baby in his arms and telling the camera, "Her name is Olivia, Gerard, and she is my – your – daughter."

Though as much as he wished it, he knew it wouldn't happen.

He wouldn't remember.

Each morning he would wake up with his mind a clean slate after his 20th birthday when he'd been in that damned accident. He would have to spend the rest of his life getting to know his family anew each day when his eyes opened, because his mind wouldn't let him remember.

"I'll remember you tomorrow."

His words were a wish, and nothing more.


End file.
